When people think of childhood, they often picture safety, simplicity, and structure. But for many, including Nicole Killian, author of You Can’t Count On Me: A Memoir of Unreliability, childhood was anything but calm. Instead, it was filled with instability, blurred family roles, religious confusion, and the constant demand to adapt.
Nicole’s memoir is not just a story of survival. It’s a sharp, insightful exploration of what it means to grow up inside a system that fails to protect. With biting humor and unfiltered honesty, she shares her early life experiences in households shaped by addiction, neglect, fractured relationships, and spiritual abuse. What emerges isn’t a tale of victimhood but a fierce examination of how children learn to love, protect themselves, and make sense of the chaos around them.
As a child shuffled between caretakers, Nicole quickly learned that safety was never guaranteed and trust was something earned, if ever. In homes where adults were unreliable, intoxicated, or absent, she developed an internal compass guided by hyper-awareness and emotional intelligence far beyond her years. But those same survival skills came at a cost. The lines between love, fear, and duty were constantly blurred.
One of the most compelling aspects of You Can’t Count On Me is how Killian reframes dysfunction through the lens of dark humor. Rather than drowning in the heaviness of her past, she brings readers in with levity, inviting them to laugh not at trauma itself but at the absurdities that often accompany it.
Whether it’s being blamed for things beyond her control, witnessing disturbing family dynamics, or navigating toxic church environments, Killian turns pain into prose that is both crucial and empowering.
But beneath the humor lies a sobering truth: children raised in unstable environments are often forced to become their own advocates. Killian describes moments where she had to choose self-preservation over pleasing others, a difficult but necessary skill when adults couldn’t be counted on. She also confronts the impact of being labeled the unreliable one, a title that followed her into adulthood and challenged her sense of worth.
The memoir doesn’t offer easy resolutions or rosy redemption. Instead, it embraces complexity. Nicole’s reflections on love and faith are layered with nuance. Her spiritual journey includes both deep devotion and justified disillusionment. Her relationships with family members are a mix of loyalty, betrayal, and fierce, complicated love. And through it all, she’s learning how to define herself, not by what was done to her, but by who she’s chosen to become.
The book is a love letter to the misfits, the forgotten, the fiercely independent, and the emotionally exhausted. It’s for those who had to parent themselves. For those whose churches shamed more than they healed. And for anyone who has ever felt like they were too broken to belong.
Nicole Killian doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. But in owning her story, she gives readers permission to own theirs. She reminds us that while we can’t change the chaos we were born into, we can absolutely choose how we grow from it.
If you’ve ever had to be your own hero, this story is yours, too. Read You Can’t Count On Me: A Memoir of Unreliability by Nicole Killian and learn how love, faith, and survival can bloom even in the most chaotic of gardens.