Society often measures success and self-worth by how reliable someone appears on time, organized, emotionally regulated, and consistent. But for those living with neurodivergence, particularly autism, and ADHD, combined with the upheaval of childhood trauma, the idea of reliability becomes a much more complicated and often painful conversation.
Nicole Killian, author of You Can’t Count On Me: A Memoir of Unreliability, knows this story intimately. Her memoir boldly dismantles the myth that reliability equals value. Instead, the author offers a fiercely honest portrayal of what it means to live a life where the rules don’t quite apply and where surviving, not conforming, becomes the ultimate triumph.
Diagnosed late in life, Nicole recounts a childhood marked by constant transitions, emotional volatility, and family instability. She moved through the world with undiagnosed autism and ADHD, conditions that shaped every interaction, amplified every misunderstanding, and often labeled her as “difficult” or disruptive. But what most people saw as flakiness or rebellion was, in reality, a neurodivergent brain trying to navigate chaos without a map.
Killian’s experience challenges the traditional narrative around what it means to overcome trauma or mental difference. In her story, there are no neat resolutions, no overnight transformations. What emerges instead is a complex, courageous journey toward self-understanding and acceptance. Her sharp, funny, and deeply reflective voice invites readers to reconsider how we define growth, healing, and success.
Neurodivergent individuals often face a double bind. Their brains process the world differently, making it harder to meet traditional expectations of consistency or emotional control. Add to that the impact of trauma, particularly in childhood, and the result is a life of constant recalibration. For Killian, the effort to simply keep up with the norms others seemed to master effortlessly became both exhausting and alienating.
But what she lacked in predictability, she made up for in resilience. Her memoir highlights how neurodivergence can come with unexpected strengths: creative problem-solving, unique perspectives, a rich inner world, and an unmatched sense of humor. Killian doesn’t sugarcoat her struggles; she owns them but refuses to be defined by them.
Her story is especially powerful because it doesn’t just speak to those with diagnoses. It resonates with anyone who’s ever been told they were too much, not enough, or somehow wrong for the world they were born into. It’s a story about identity in flux, about learning to forgive yourself for the ways you survived and finding pride in the person those experiences shaped you into.
You Can’t Count On Me is more than a memoir. It’s a declaration that healing is messy, growth is nonlinear, and unreliability might actually be a survival skill in disguise. Killian’s narrative invites readers to question the systems and expectations that label people broken when, in truth, they’re simply doing the best they can with the tools they’ve been given.
Her journey doesn’t end in perfection. It ends in power. The power to tell her own story, to accept her brain, her history, her contradictions. To claim a life that may be unpredictable is entirely her own. If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, mislabeled, or misdiagnosed, this book is for you.
Order You Can’t Count On Me: A Memoir of Unreliability by Nicole Killian and find out what it means to be unreliable, unapologetic, and unbreakably human.